RELATIONSHIP ENGINEERING

The title looks complicated with the word "Engineering" and more so since it is linked to Relationship!. Maintaining a Relationship itself is a pleasure and also a challenge if two people come together with diverse thinking and behavior. Then why engineering? Engineering immediately spells system, design, perfection and much more. That is exactly what is required when we are dealing with relationship. I do not wish to scare anyone but a relationship needs to be planned thoughtfully, maintained meticulously and nurtured relentlessly. We generally tend to take the other partner for granted but a little attention or to repeat the title "Engineering"; one can sail happily for years to come. Be it any relationship! Lets see some very basic steps which, I am sure are well known but still need to be thoughtfully applied or executed...

a) RECHARGE: Just as we religiously recharge batteries of our mobile or any other equipment, have we ever thought that our relationship with anyone; say, our friends or spouse or parents or our children; also needs to be recharged? do we realize that our relationship battery has drained down and something needs to be done? More often than not this is exactly what is ignored or slips out of the mind or simply may be because one is just bogged down in the routine and again as said above, we take our partner for granted...don't we? Never mind, it happens but being Aware of this fact certainly will help bring about the required change. The moment we realize that our relationship battery has drained we need to work on recharging the relationship.

Recharging starts immediately with communication. A frank, open, fair, transparent dialogue with the other person who is in our relation should be the staring point. Most of the damages, big or small can be ironed out by merely a dialogue. Sit with your partner and talk; understand the other person's perspective, reasons for dullness, why there are mute mornings and why there  instances of avoidance. Recharging means all this; start talking with an open mind without any prejudices and see that the charging percentage slowly and steadily starts improving

The above very importantly means that all the steps are your "chargers" so keep them handy, always available and willingness to use. A charger should always be available on demand!

b) REFILL: In a relationship the word Refill plays as much an important role as it surely plays in our kitchen products or office or stationery. When something has ebbed then it needs to be refilled to make it active. We are lucky to get refill packs for most of the products by online ordering or just going to a shop or a mall but what about a Refill pack for a relationship? Yes, we all have this with us. We just don't use it. We are scared, we are too concerned about our ego; why me and so on and so forth. If the partner is unhappy resulting in lots of stress or lots of differences; a time has come to check the container. Has our container of love gone empty, has the container of respect gone down, or container of respect, attention, appreciation, support and many more; all these containers need to be verified, taken stock and immediate steps need to be taken for refill. Rather than observing the containers of others, why not first check our containers and start doing or applying all hose things which have gone down. The containers will start filling...try it!

c) and lastly, REPAIR: Well if Recharge and Refill is not working then we need to think fast, analyse and conclude that something has broken. It needs to be repaired. Recharging is draining fast with no use, refilling gets emptied soon so there is some leakage and hence Repair! We want to continue with the product (partner); and if this is final then we have to repair. This needs lot of thinking and discussion between each other and honestly draw down lists of leakages and lapses and illnesses and the 'dos' and 'don'ts' expressed by other. Without any debate, without going the denial way and without adopting the justification habit each one should admit, accept, say sorry, draw out a repair plan of action and start implementing. Well easily said but a strong determination and the overall desire to continue with the partner will surely lead the repair function to a success. Patience is the key and it will happen

Well if sadly, if none of the above; Recharge, Refill or Repair do not yield positive results then both have to accept it and move on; no point going through the 3 R's again and again. Nobody wants this but if this 3R Engineering does not work then there is no option but to part ways...

However, The 3 R Engineering in Relationships has helped many people with success stories so why not start the Engineering...no point waiting for some breakdown to happen; the 3 R Engineering should be a continuous process for a continuous harmony in a relationship!

Best Wishes...Take Care!

(Sanjay R. Inamdar)

Brought Forward or Carried Forward?

Being from the field of Accountancy, I had to learn the terms, "Brought Forward and Carried Forward". Little did I then know or understand that these two terms meant so much in life! As time passed and reading increased, and to admit that it is just a beginning and miles to go but the Theory of Karma pulled me more towards going deeper into understanding various facets of life. Good deeds, bad deeds, paap-punya, Moksha; all alien words made me ponder more and more on these terms. 

The famous old adage "As you sow, so you reap" or when you sow apples, you will get apples and so on made me think of the words good deeds and bad deeds. Wonderful insight from further reading made me narrow down to some thoughts. Bad deeds will fetch bad benefits and Good deeds would give good benefits but how long or when? And so my accounts came to help. Business goes on when the financial year ends on, say, 31st of March but the receivables and payables still continue in the next year. We have to pay the unpaid liabilities and also collect the pending receivables from those people who have got products or services from us but have not paid. This goes on; month after month, year after year. Thus in accounts we carry forward the pending items to the next year and in the new books of the New Year we do a brought forward from the previous year. The principle of ongoing business, continuity is applied. Likewise in a school or a college, the lecture ends when the period is over but the portion or topic is not over; the students then have to come on the next day to learn the remaining topic.

Now, coming to our deeds, our Karma, our account and whosoever maintains it shows numerous or countless entries of good and bad and we don’t know what and how and why are we enjoying or suffering the fruits. Whether the fruits are the result of some deeds done in my past life or this life is unknown so whether it is a Brought forward deed or not; we don’t know. We have to enjoy or suffer the result because whatever has happened has happened. Now the most interesting part - we can control what we are going to Carry forward! Is it not? It is in our hands and now to control what we are doing or what we are going to do; so that the fruits to enjoy or suffer may be controlled and we don’t know when; so as said before, if our year gets over or the period gets over we have to come again for the remaining topic or carry forward the accounts to the next year and do a brought forward; similarly we have to take birth again! Indeed scary because here we don’t know where and when, which country, which house, or even human being or animal or insect or whatever! So it comes to the most important fact that we should control our deeds "Now"; control our thoughts, emotions and behaviour 'Now"...difficult but we can always try...atleast we should do good deeds so that we don’t suffer later.

But the thought of Moksha is still far-far away! And what little I have understood is that when my receivables and payables become ZERO, NIL; when the balance in my account is ZERO; only then and then only Moksha is possible....difficult? scary? interesting?...well for me, a beginner, atleast little that I think I have understood, atleast prompts me to the three things, without thinking much; and these three things are - "Think Good (Mind); Be Good (Heart) and Do Good (Hands)!!!

Art and Dance Therapy

I just attended a Art and Dance Therapy course. It was a 4 day offsite course situated in the picturesque mountain ranges in Girivan. Fantastic and Awesome! Day 1 started with each one using crayons, water colours, poster colours to draw whatever one wanted to. Astonishing experience to just be with the colours after I finished school! We had to explain what we did with the art. This was followed by interpretation from the teacher about my personality. Amazing! Just a picture could say so much about me! We further followed by doing a combined art work on papers joined together. Here we did not use any brushes but just used our fingers to paint. Another fantastic experience of filling ones fingers with colours. The feeling was great. It relieved all stress and I learnt why its called "art therapy"

Day 2 was a day with collage. A theme was given and we had to rummage through various magazines, cut the desired pictures, paste it and lo! the theme was done, explain it and wait for the interpretation! excellent!

Day 3 and 4 were for Dance. After I finished school this was the first time I really danced and that to Ballet. Again it was an unique experience to know oneself, very therapeutic, very energetic...yes would like to continue further....

About Me

I am Sanjay Inamdar, male, 57, Chartered Accountant residing in Pune, Maharashtra, India. I have retired as Vice President from a money changing private limited company having 14 branches pan India. My special interests are in designing systems and procedures, MIS and HR related strategies.
Having completed MS (Counselling and Psychotherapy), I am also deeply interested in interacting with various people and help the needy by way of Counselling. My focus is on "People Development"

Besides the academics, I am keenly interested in Astrology, spiritual readings, music and art!